[The film opens with these words:

In World War II, few men served their countries more ably than a small group of unheralded heroes known as the Dog Robbers. A Dog-Robber is the personal attendant of a general or admiral and his job is to keep his general or admiral well clothed, well fed and well loved during the battle. Every army and navy in the world has it Dog Robber, but, needless to say, ours were the best…]

BUS: Charlie. The Admiral wants to have a little spread tonight, then bridge later with Generals Hallerton and Waterston.

CHARLIE: General Waterston doesn't play bridge.

BUS: Yeah, but he'll want to a partner anyway. See if you can't dig up a couple of someones to complete the foursome. Here's the menu: steak, avocado salad, ice cream, and appropriate wine.

CHARLIE: Call motor pool and get me a driver, will you Paul?

BUS: We're going to stay put here in London at least little while, at least until the balloon goes up?

CHARLIE: What balloon?

BUS: D-day, the invasion of Europe. We might as well set up house.

CHARLIE: OK.

PAUL: Motor pool please.

CHARLIE: General Waterston likes redheaded partners, is that right?

BUS: Yes, as I recall.

CHARLIE: Paul, never mind, I'll go by the motor pool myself. Avocado salad, that's a new one!

EMILY [Scene runs from 9:30 through 10:12]

[Emily, a British war widow is a driver for the Allied Armies in England. She is presently assigned to driving Charlie.]

EMILY: You Americans are really enjoying this war aren't you? Most English families haven't seen that many oranges or eggs in years, but its just one big Shiners convention for you Yanks, isn't it?

CHARLIE: Well that's swell Miss.

EMILY: Barum.

CHARLIE: On to the hotel, Ms. Barum, its nearly lunch.

MS. BARUM, AGAIN, [Scene runs from 11:28 through 15:55]

[Charlie, in order to ingratiate himself with Emily, and get her to agree to be the General's bridge partner tonight, fakes an old war wound he got volunteering in the service of England's Royal Air Force. Of course, Charlie has no war wound and never flew for the RAF.]

SAILOR: Hey Charlie, what happened to you?

CHARLIE: Knock off.

EMILY: An old wound commander.

CHARLIE: Yes, just a bit of flack I picked up flying for the RAF in 1940. Acts up every now and then.

EMILY: Pity.

CHARLIE: Ms. Barum, do you play bridge?

EMILY: Yes, I do. Why?

CHARLIE: Admiral Jessup would like you to be his guest for dinner and bridge this evening.

EMILY: Oh, I see.

CHARLIE: Just dinner and bridge, nothing else. I'll have you delivered back to your quarters by half past ten.

EMILY: No thank you. If you don't need me Commander, may I take my lunch?

CHARLIE: You're something of a prig Ms. Barum.

EMILY: I don't mean to be.

[Scene change to Emily in a women's barracks.]

EMILY: Shelia, do you think I'm a prig?

SHELIA: Oh lord, yes, love. You've been chattering us all with your virtue ever since you joined this motor pool.

EMILY: Have I been that awful?

SHELIA: Bloody virgin goddess herself.

EMILY: The fact is that I'm anything but. I'm grotesquely sentimental I fall in love at the drop of a hat. That's why I gave up hospital driving -- all those men, moaning in the back of the ambulance, especially the lot from Africa. I used to read to them in my off hours. When they were healed, and getting sent back to the front they'd used to come looking for me to spent their last nights of leave with them. Hotel rooms. Bread and breakfast for a guinea. I paid the guinea myself more often than not. I couldn't say no to them, could I? I just lost my husband in Tobruk, and I was overwhelmed with tenderness for all dying men? As I say, I'm grotesquely sentimental. What on earth are you doing to your hair?

SHELIA: I'm turning it red. I'm going to one of Charlie Madison's dos tonight.

EMILY: Oh yes, I was asked to that one. Does it require red hair?

SHELIA: Oh do come love. Charlie lays on smashing food. All sorts of meats, fruits, real cream. Things we haven't seen in England for years! You're probably get a new dress out of it. Have you been up to Madison's room?

EMILY: Nope.

SHELIA: You've got to see it; it's the swankiest shop in town. He's got everything up there but the crown jewels. Hey, look at this; you can't see this at Harrods. That's nylon, love. And this is pure silk. I'd show you my new dress, but I don't want the others to see. It's Bonwick Tailors, you've heard of that I imagine?

EMILY: You mean he actually supplies you with a wardrobe?

SHELIA: Oh, Charlie dresses you proper. American's don't like to see their women in uniforms.

EMILY: But it all ends in someone's bed, doesn't it? I mean, that's the point, isn't it?

SHELIA: Well look who's talking after that lurid confession you've just made?

EMILY: Sorry. I am a prig at that.

SHELIA: I feel tender toward the poor beggars myself.

EMILY: Well, I don't want to feel tender toward anyone, especially soldiers. I've lost a husband, a father and a brother in this war. When my husband died, I almost went insane. I take these things badly. I fall in love to easily and I shatter easily.

SHELIA: Oh, do come tonight, love. These men aren't doomed. They'll never see any of the shooting, that's for sure. We'll have a few laughs. I've never seen anyone needing a few laughs as much as you do.

THERE IS A WAR ON, ISN'T THERE? [Scene runs from 16:15 through 18:52]

[Emily has determined to go to the party tonight after all. In this scene, she has come to tell Charlie that she'll be there.]

CHARLIE: Cocktails at five thirty and heavy on the gin, Tom. Dinner at 6, promptly, and once you've cleared away, I'll manage from there.

TOM: Very good, sir.

EMILY: You're not limping commander. It's the Arabian Nights, do you have chests of rubies in the bathroom.

CHARLIE: Just perfumes and liquor.

EMILY: I've heard about this room. All the girls talk about it, but I couldn't believe it. Sheila is right, it is the swankiest shop in town.

Good heavens, Arpege perfume! How did you manage Arpege with the Germans in Paris? There are Germans in Paris, aren't there? There is a war on I think, you Americans must have heard something about it.

CHARLIE: Just pick out a dress honey and be back at five thirty. You American haters bore me to tears, Ms. Barum. I've dealt with Europeans all my life. I know all about us Americans who come over here and race all around your cathedral towns with our cameras and Coca-Cola bottle, brawl in your pubs, paw your women, act like we own the world.

We over tip, talk to loud. Think we can buy anything with a Heresy bar. I've had Germans and Italians tell me how politically ingenuous we are, perhaps so, but we haven't managed a Hitler or a Mussolini yet. I've had French men call me a savage because I only take half an hour for lunch.

Ms. Barum, the only reason the French take two hours for lunch is because the service in their restaurants is lousy. The most tedious lot are you British we crass American's didn't introduce war into your little island. This war of yours Ms. Barum, to which we Americans are so insensitive, is the result of 2000 years of greed, barbarism, superstition and stupidity. Don't blame it on our Coca-Cola bottles; Europe was a going brothel long before we came to town.

EMILY: Dear me, what an outburst.

CHARLIE: So lay off Mrs. Miniver. If you don't like our Heresy bars don't take them. Pick yourself a frock or get out. It's not my job to listen to your sentimental contempt.

EMILY: You know I could almost believe you flew for the RAF.

CHARLIE: I never flew for the RAF and you know it.

EMILY: You didn't expect me to believe you for a minute did you?

CHARLIE: No, not for a minute.

EMILY: But why, commander?

CHARLIE: You're here, Ms. Barum

EMILY: Yes, so I am. You're a complete rascal. I'll be back at five thirty.

CHARLIE: The admiral will be delighted your coming.

EMILY: I'm looking forward to it.

CHARLIE: If I can be of any service, Ms. Barum

EMILY: I have my own clothes Commander, I'll do without your Heresy bars. Do you have a girl commander?

CHARLIE: None of your damn business Ms. Barum.

MEETING MOTHER [Scene runs from 33:30 through 43:00]

[Charlie and Emily begin dating. Charlie has come to meet Emily's mother. She, like Emily, has lost her husband. But, she feigns that he is still alive.]

CHARLIE: Hello Emily.

EMILY: Hello. You're just in time for tea. You brought me some chocolates.

CHARLIE: Two boxes of Heresy's.

EMILY: Well, that's very American of you Charlie. You just had to bring along some small token of opulence. You Yanks can't even show affection with out buying something.

CHARLIE: Well don't get into a state over it. I just thought you liked chocolates.

EMILY: But my country is at war and we're doing without chocolates for a while. And I don't want oranges or eggs or soap flakes either. Don't show me how profitable it will be to fall in love with you Charlie, don't Americanize me.

That's my father. He lost a leg in the first war. Got the Victoria Cross for that. He died in an Air raid a week after that portrait was painted. That's my brother there. His name was Charlie too by the way. He was shot down during the blitz. Sacrificed himself to save his squadron. The one you're looking at now is my husband.

CHARLIE: He looks like a rake.

EMILY: Yes he was very bawdy. I was insane about him. He died at Tobruk. The rest of the lot there are cousins. There's two of them still living. I must say the family has been thinned out nicely one way or the other.

Charlie, before we go out to my Mum, I must tell you she's a bit mad. Oh, you'll like her very much. She is very funny. But she may just yatter away about my father and brother as though they were still alive. Just go along with her. You understand?

CHARLIE: Oh I understand. You don't want my heresy bars.

EMILY: I think it profane to enjoy this war.

CHARLIE: You know, I never realized what a sensual satisfaction grieving is for women.

EMILY: I'm not sure that's a very tasteful thing for you to say.

CHARLIE: I'm not sentimental about war. I see nothing noble in widows.

EMILY: You're jealous of my husband. I like that. Mother….

MOTHER: Oh you brought chocolates, two whole box full. What a treasure trove.

EMILY: I already refused them mother.

CHARLIE: On aesthetic grounds.

MOTHER: You're an absolute flatulent Emily.

EMILY: Oh take the things if you want them.

MOTHER: Well I shall have one later and save the rest for your father. I take it you're Emily's new lover since she hasn't bothered to introduce us.

CHARLIE: You must be her mother.

MOTHER: Ah, you've found the chink in my armor. What are your religious views?

CHARLIE: I'm a practicing coward.

MOTHER: That's very fervent of you.

EMILY: Oh, I should have known you two would get on. You're as dotty as she is Charlie.

CHARLIE: Actually before the war I was assistant night manager at a diplomatic hotel in Washington DC.

MOTHER: What made you say that?

EMILY: Oh lord, I'm beginning to feel like Alice at the tea party.

MOTHER: Shh… he's going to tell us about a religious experience I think.

CHARLIE: Yes, yes. It was my job to arrange things for many of the great historical figures who came to Washington on great historical missions.

EMILY: What exactly did you arrange?

CHARLIE: Usually I arranged girls, but individual tastes varied of course.

EMILY: Of course.

CHARLIE: Well, its useful work anyway, especially in a war. I was offered all sorts of commissions in the Army and Navy, the one I have now in fact. Admiral Jessup phoned me to join his staff. But, I'd always a bit embarrassed by my job at the hotel. I wanted to do something redeeming. Have you noticed that war is the only chance a man gets to do something redeeming. That's why war is so attractive.

MOTHER: War's very handsome. I agree.

CHARLIE: At any rate, I turned down Admiral Jessup's offer and I enlisted in the Marines as a private. I even applied for combat service. My wife, to all appearance is a perfectly sensible woman, encouraged me in this idiotic decision. Seven months later, I found myself invading the Soloman Islands. There I was splashing away in the shoals of Guadalcanal. It suddenly occurred to me a man could get killed doing this sort of thing. Fact is, most of the men splashing along with me were screaming in agony and dying like flies. Those were brave men dying there, in peace time they'd all been normal, decent cowards. Frightened of their wives, trembling before their bosses, terrified by the passing of the years. But war had made them gallant. They had been greedy men, now they were self-sacrificing. They had been selfish, now they were generous. War isn't hell at all. Man at his best. The highest morality he's capable of.

EMILY: Never mind all that. What's this about a wife?

CHARLIE: That night, as I sat in the jungles of Guadalcanal, waiting to be killed sopping wet. It was then I had my blinding revelation.

MOTHER: Ah.

CHARLIE: I discovered I was a coward. That's my new religion. I'm a big believer in it. Cowardice will save the world. Its not war that's insane you see. It's the morality of it. Its not greed and ambition that makes war its goodness. Wars are always fought for the best of reasons, for liberation or manifest destiny, always against tyranny an in the interest of humanity. So far this war we've managed to butcher some 10,000 humans in the interest of humanity. Next war it seems we'll have to destroy all of man in order to preserve his damn dignity. It's not war that's unnatural to us; it's virtue. As long as valor remains a virtue, we shall have soldiers. So, I preach cowardice. Through cowardice we shall all be saved.

MOTHER: That was exhausting commander, absolutely.

EMILY: Yes, well never mind the metaphysics commander. Let's get back to your wife.

CHARLIE: Well, needless to say, that first night I wrote Admiral Jessup, saying in essence, for heaven sakes get me out of this. Two weeks later, I was transferred to Washington; I raced home to my wife…

EMILY: And found her with another man?

CHARLIE: Oh lord no. My wife, who had deceived me more times before the war than I care to think about was having the time of her life being faithful. She was furious with me for coming back. There was no reason for her being virtuous anymore. She promptly sued me for divorce on the grounds of religious differences. I was a self-preservationist, you see, and she was a high Anglican sentimentalist.

EMILY: Well, you're fair game then.

MOTHER: After every war you know, we always find out how unnecessary it was. And after this one, I am sure all the generals will dash off and write books about the blunders made by other generals and statesmen will publish their secret diaries, and it will show, beyond any shadow of a doubt that war could easily have been avoided in the first place. And the rest of us of course will be left with the job of bandaging the wounded and burying the dead.

CHARLIE: I don't trust people who make bitter reflections about war Mrs. Barum. It's always the generals with the bloodiest records who are the first to shout what a hell it is. It's always the war widows who lead the Memorial Day parade.

EMILY: That was unkind Charlie and very rude.

CHARLIE: We shall never end wars Mrs. Barum, but blaming it on ministers and generals, or warmongering imperialists, or all the other banal bogies. It's the rest of us who build statues to those generals and name boulevards after those ministers. The rest of us who make heroes of our dead and shrines of our battlefield. We wear our widows' weeds like nuns. Mrs. Barum, and perpetuate war by exalting its sacrifice. My brother died at Anzio...

EMILY: I didn't know that Charlie.

CHARLIE: Yes, an everyday soldiers death, no special heroism involved. They buried what pieces they found of him. But my mother insists he died a brave death, and pretends to be very proud.

MOTHER: You're very hard on your mother, seems a harmless enough pretense to me.

CHARLIE: No, Mrs. Barum, no you see, now my other brother can't wait to reach enlistment age. That'll be in September.

MOTHER: Oh lord.

CHARLIE: It may be ministers and generals who blunder us into war, Mrs. Barum, but the least the rest of us can do is to resist honoring the institution. What has my mother got for pretending bravery was admirable? She's under constant sedation. Terrified she'll wake up one morning find her last son has run off to be brave. I don't think I was rude or unkind before, do you Mrs. Barum.

MOTHER: No. You better push off Emily if you've got to get to work.

EMILY: Give my best to father then.

MOTHER: Your father died in the Blitz, and your brother died a brave and pointless death in December 1940, I've carried on much to long in all this business. Now do go, honestly, I'd much rather be alone. I mean it. I mean it.

You're a kind man Commander, I hope you'll come again.

CHARLIE: Thank you ma'am. I'd like to.

[Mother cries.]

MAKING A MOVIE I [Scene runs from 48:17 through 50:29]

[The Admiral has an idea to promote the Navy with Congress and shore up appropriations for the Navy after the War. He decides to film the contribution of Navy men to the D-day invasion, documenting on the film their heroic efforts. He has assigned Charlie to make the film.]

CHARLIE: We might as well see some of this film before the Admiral comes. Combat engineers in training.

FILM: This is a beach, somewhere on the West coast of Wales. It has been prepared to be an exact duplicate of the beaches of France, where the invasion of Europe will take place. Every foot has been mined. Three years of German ingenuity have gone into making that beach impregnable. How will we get troops, tanks and weapons across that beach? That's the job of the Navy combat demolition engineers.

CHARLIE: How did I get into this anyway?

FILM: Here, on this secret beach in Wales the Navy engineers train for their hazardous duty. This is only a dry run. On D-day these engineers will be under heavy mortar and artillery fire.

CHARLIE: Thanks, a lot.

MARV: Shut up Charlie, I'm trying to watch the picture.

CHARLIE: You won't like it, Marv. Got lousy reviews.

FILM: Each squad must clear an alley fifty feet wide for our troops to advance on the beaches. These American sailors will be the first men to assault Hitler's European bastion.

[Admiral enters]

ADMIRAL: That fact, Charlie, is what I want clearly recorded on film. I want you and your photographers to get in the water with those engineers, film their activities right up to the beaches.

CHARLIE: Would you like us to start the movie again from the beginning?

ADMIRAL: No, no. I've got to run. You're on the right track, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Sir.

ADMIRAL: Yeah Charlie?

CHARLIE: Sir, I get the feeling a man could get killed making this movie.

ADMIRAL: A lot of men are going to be killed on D-day, Charlie.

CHARLIE: I would like to be relieved of this assignment, sir. It seems like a lot of risk to take for no particular reason.

ADMIRAL: I'm ordering you to make this film commander, that's reason enough.

CHARLIE: Seems to me, sir, the only thing at stake here is a matter of Naval public relations.

ADMIRAL: No Commander, what's at stake here is the essence of military structure: the inviolability of command. I've given you an order. You'll obey it or I'll have you briged [Admiral Jessup has threatened to put Charlie in a military prison]. Is that clear?

CHARLIE: Yes sir.

CHARLIE, CHARLIE, CHARLIE [Scene runs from 52:50 through 56:55]

EMILY: Oh, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Oh, I love you Emily.

EMILY: How many more weeks do we have?

CHARLIE: Three, maybe four. Admiral Jessup has to be back in Washington by the end of June.

EMILY: Oh lord, I hope I don't get pregnant. I told myself a hundred times, don't get earnest about this man. It's a casual thing, brief, passionate explosion. Don't get sticky about it for heavens sake. Well, I'm sticky Charlie; I'm sticky as hell. I'm insanely in love with you.

CHARLIE: Have you given any thought getting married?

EMILY: You really do cut to the core of things don't you?

CHARLIE: I've got some navy marriage applications here.

EMILY: Charlie let's be honest about this.

CHARLIE: Emily, we're nuts about each other. Let's get married.

EMILY: But, we're basically incompatible, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Hum…

EMILY: It's got nothing to do with that. It's our fundamental approaches to life. I've got this ingrained British morality and you're the most immoral man I've ever met. You're a shameless coward, selfish as a child, and you're pretty ruthless about getting what you want. For all your charm, you're a scoundrel Charlie. Seems I don't mind making love to a scoundrel, I think it immoral to marry one. You lack principles, Charlie. Isn't there anything you'd die for?

CHARLIE: Sure, I'd die for you, if it ever came to that.

EMILY: I really believe you would.

CHARLIE: There are lots of things I'd die for, Emily: my home, my family, my country. But that's love, not principle. Now, if I were to bring a raging lion into the house and wrestle it, just to prove that I'd die for you that would be highly principled of me. But, what's a lion doing in a man's house anyway?

EMILY: Oh, shut up.

EMILY: Charlie, I've been so silly. Of course I'll marry you. I'll give you the signed documents in the morning. I love you so.

CHARLIE: Oh Lord I hope you do get pregnant.

MAKING A MOVIE II [Scene runs from 1:06:30 through 1:08:45]

CHARLIE: How's the old man Bus?

BUS: You know, Charlie, the President has expressed interest in Admiral Jessup's movie?

CHARLIE: Naturally.

BUS: If he's committed himself to this movie, it's going to be pretty d*** embarrassing if it isn't made. So Charlie, we're going to make that movie.

CHARLIE: That's very spunky of you Bus.

BUS: You and I are going to get on that 21:00 flight to Portland this evening and we're going to make a movie. I'm going in this with you buddy. I am cutting orders for both of us right now.

BUS: **** Charlie it's exciting isn't it?

CHARLIE: Would you quit giving me these comradely pokes?

BUS: Well, this is it boy. This is the big show. And we're going to be in there for the first shot.

CHARLIE: Just how did you and I suddenly become the charge of the light brigade Bus?

BUS: Charlie, there's a lot more to this movie than we know about. The Admiral has a much larger vision in mind. Apparently, the Admiral's idea is to build a tomb to the unknown sailor, and to put the first dead man on Omaha beach into it.

CHARLIE: Tomb for the what?!!

MARV: Well that's a new one on me.

BUS: All right sailors. That'll be all. The navy wants this film made and it's going to be made. So you just better get back to your hotel Charlie, and pack your gear. Cause we're going on that 21:00 flight to Portland this evening. That's an order Commander.

CHARLIE: Tomb for the unknown sailor! Holy cow Bus!

MARV: Take it easy, Charlie.

BUS: Charlie, I think you and I have had it too easy. After all, we're officers in the United States Navy. It's not up to us to approve those orders, even if those orders mean risking our lives.

BUS: These are your orders Charlie. We'll have a mimeograph copy in a half an hour.

CHARLIE: Bus, we've been through this before. Now this movie is nothing but an unnecessary piece of naval public relations and I will not risk my life for that.

BUS: You have your orders commander.

CHARLIE: Well, I'm not going to do it.

BUS: You'll be on that 21:00 flight with me or I'll put you on charges Charlie.

CHARLIE: Than you just put me on charges, Bus.

GOOD BYE [Scene runs from 1:14:34 through 1:20:19]

[Charlie hears from the Admiral that the D-day invasion will go off tonight, he figures that he and Bus cannot make the boats with the demolition engineers. Consequently, he makes up with Bus, pretending not to know they won't make it. He shares his private joke with Emily.]

BUS: Charlie, you still have a couple of minutes to say goodbye.

CHARLIE: Thanks Bus.

EMILY: Charlie, write to me.

CHARLIE: Write to you? With any luck, I'll be back in London for lunch tomorrow. Look honey, let me make it clear again. I couldn't make this invasion if I wanted to. The demolition engineers would have shipped out a good two hours before Bus and I even report in. Ha. The port commander is going to look at us if we were nuts. I'll see you tomorrow.

EMILY: It's like you were taking an overnight business trip.

CHARLIE: Well that's what it amounts to, if I can't book a flight I'll catch afternoon train.

EMILY: Well, it's a hell of a D-day. That's all I can say. To be honest with you Charlie, there is something very unpleasant about this little deceit you're pulling on the Navy. You've been cackling away as if this invasion in which the fate of nations and the lives of millions of men are at stake is nothing more to you than a private joke. I just keep thinking of all those men on all those ships tonight wondering if they'll end up bodies on a beach.

CHARLIE: Honey, I'm not cackling because there are going to be bodies on a beach tomorrow. I'm cackling because I'm not going to be one of them. Honey, we're both getting drenched.

EMILY: Charlie, I can't marry you.

CHARLIE: I've been waiting for that. We'll talk about it when I get back.

EMILY: I don't want to talk about it when you get back, I don't want to see you again.

CHARLIE: Emily, I will not be brushed off in a driving rain with my plane about to take off.

EMILY: Oh, for pity's sake Charlie, we both know its finished. Now let's end it in one snap before we say anything we regret.

CHARLIE: No, no. Let's say it. There should be something we regret.

EMILY: All right, I despise cowardice. I detest selfish people. And I loathe ruthlessness. And, since you are cowardly, selfish and ruthless, I cannot help but despise, detest and loathe you. And, that is not the way a woman should feel about the man she's going to marry.

CHARLIE: Don't be facile Emily.

EMILY: Oh, I am not being. I've been up all bloody night staring at your bloody marriage applications. Well, I signed them. They're in my purse. I was going to give you them this afternoon. But you came prancing in with this very funny joke you're playing on Bus, and the Navy, and your country, and the whole bloody world. Look, I, I suppose I am just a stupid romantic, but I sort of feel the jokes' on me too. I believe in honor and service and courage and fair play and cricket. And all the other symbols of the British character, which have only civilized half the world.

CHARLIE: You British plunder half the world for your own profit; let's not pass it off as the age of Enlightenment.

EMILY: Yes, that's the American way of looking at it.

CHARLIE: Emily, let's not get into one of these, "The trouble with you Yanks…" things. It's got nothing to do with it.

EMILY: Oh, it's got everything to do with it. I'm British and you're a bloody fool American. I don't want to see you again

CHARLIE: General Kushner aside, Emily, the only thing that's going on here is a woman trying to shake off her lover. If you don't love me say so.

EMILY: Oh.

CHARLIE: Nobody gets moral unless they're trying to get something or get out of something. Well, you're trying to get out of marrying me. If you don't love me just say so. Otherwise I'll figure you're just frightened.

EMILY: Frightened of what?

CHARLIE: You have to commit yourself to life now Emily. I don't want to know what's good or bad or true. I let God worry about the truth. I just want to know the momentary facts of things. Life isn't good or bad or true. It's merely factual. It's sensual. It's alive. My idea of living, sensual facts are: You, a home, a country, a world, a universe, in that order. I want to know what I am, not what I should be. The fact is I'm a coward. I've never met anyone who wasn't.

EMILY: I'm not.

CHARLIE: You're the most terrified woman I've ever met. You're even scared to get married.

EMILY: I've already been married.

CHARLIE: Oh sure, you married him three days before he went to Africa. Thank god he never came back. You're forever falling in love with men on their last nights of furlough. That's about the limit of your commitment: one night, a day, a month. You'd prefer lovers to husbands, hotels to homes. You'd rather breed than live.

EMILY: You're not only cowardly and selfish; you're remarkably cruel as well.

CHARLIE: Come off it Emily, the only immoral thing you have against me is your alive.

EMILY: I'm going to slap you're face Charlie.

CHARLIE: Go ahead, I won't hit you back. I'm a coward.

[Slap.]

CHARLIE: On the other hand, I'm selfish. I don't easily give up what's mine. You're mine, Emily, and I'm not going to let you go. All you have to say is "I don't love you."

EMILY: I don't love you Charlie.

BUS: Come on Charlie, it's time to go.

CHARLIE: Well, you're a good woman. You've done the morally right thing. God save us all from people who do the morally right thing. It's the rest of us who get broken in half. You're a bitch. I want you to remember, that the last time you saw me, I was unregenerately eating a Heresy bar.

OH NO! [Scene runs from 1:34:45 through 1:36:45]

[Charlie wakes up to find that the demolition engineers - and the entire fleet -- had to turn back, due to foul weather. The entire invasion was postponed to the following night, which means that Charlie and Bus will have to go after all. This scene picks up with Charlie and Bus landing on the beach.]

BUS: The other way.

BUS: The beach is that way.

CHARLIE: I know which way the beach is. What's the matter with you?

BUS: You yellow rat. Go to that beach.

CHARLIE: What's the matter with you, they're shooting at us.

BUS: Take pictures, take pictures.

CHARLIE: What?

SAILOR: Well, he's the first dead man on Omaha Beach, if that means anything, Commander.

CHARLIE'S A HERO? [Scene runs from 1:49:30 through end]

[Pictures of Charlie, the first dead man on Omaha Beach, are published in all the free press. Emily laments his death and regrets her choices. Bus glories in the success of the Navy public relations campaign, and the Admiral regrets the madness that led him to want to make the movie. Surprisingly, we find out that Charlie survived and is returning to England. The Admiral, knowing nothing of what actually transpired on the beach between Charlie and Bus, decides to have Bus collect Charlie and bring him to Washington to be hailed as a hero and decorated by the President. Charlie is even better alive as a public relations prize: he's a real, live war hero. Emily and Bus are here to meet Charlie.]

EMILY: You're limping Commander. The old wound acting up? Well, where have you been? We expected you back a week ago yesterday.

CHARLIE: I had to go to France for a few days. Out of season this time of year.

EMILY: No one worth knowing was there I'm sure.

CHARLIE: Very rough element going to France these days.

EMILY: Oh Charlie, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Careful of my leg.

EMILY: Oh shut up. Let me hold you.

BUS: Hey, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Don't you get within an eve's distance of me, you fink! You tried to kill me.

BUS: Oh, common Charlie, don't make such a big, dramatic deal of this. I've got a plane waiting to take you back to Washington. Now we've got to be at the airport in a half an hour. I have 20 reporters waiting in the office right now, more piling in every minute. We'll have 5 minutes for photographs and a few questions; so let me brief you on what I'd like you to say.

CHARLIE: I'm going to say the truth Bus.

BUS: I don't know how much of my little hoax you know, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Enough.

BUS: Well, The last words you said as you lead the charge up the beach were, "OK, men, let's show them whose beach it is."

CHARLIE: Not quite the epic stature, of we're just begun to fight, Bus.

BUS: Yeah, well you know.

CHARLIE: I am going to tell them the truth Bus; I am going to tell anyone who wants to know the plain, unattractive and not very epic truth. I'm going to tell them a deranged Admiral had a demented idea for a lunatic movie whose only purpose was to juice up the Navy's bid for military appropriations, and that my gallant wounds were inflicted on my by my brother officer, the fink.

BUS: Charlie, you've got a legitimate beef against me, OK.

CHARLIE: And that my last inspirational words, as I lead the charge away from the beach were, "let's get the hell out of here." I've had a bad week, Bus. I've been in battle and heard the horror of it again. I will not contribute to your retched little hoax. I will not help you preserve the wonder of war. I want people to know I was a coward. I want them to know the whole shabby story about my heroism.

BUS: Charlie, I don't understand you. Do you know what will happen…

CHARLIE: I know what will happen. I'll embarrass my country, dishonor my service, disgrace my Admiral and humiliate my family and probably get thrown in the bring for a couple of years.

EMILY: Then why do it?

CHARLIE: Because it's the right thing to do.

EMILY: I can't believe it. Is this the Charlie Madison who once said, "God save us from all the people who do the right thing? It's the rest of us who get our backs broken." Are you seriously going to destroy everything that means anything to you Charlie, in a futile gesture of virtue? Are you going to put yourself in jail are you?

CHARLIE: I don't care what happens to me.

EMILY: How bloody brave! But you do care what happens to me. At least you said you did. What am I supposed to do whilst you sit around in your prison cell for five or six years admiring the glisten of your own martyrdom.

CHARLIE: Emily, I want the world to know what a fraud War is.

EMILY: But war isn't fraud, Charlie. It's very real. At least that's what you've always tried to tell me isn't it? That we shall never get rid of war by pretending it's unreal. It's the virtue of war that's a fraud. Not war itself. It's the valor, the self-sacrifice and the goodness of war that needs the exposing. Here you are being brave and self-sacrificing, positively clanking with moral fervor. Perpetuating the very things you detest, merely to do the right thing. Honestly, Charlie, you're conversion to morality is very funny. All this time, I've been terrified of becoming Americanized and you - you've turned into a bloody Englishmen.

CHARLIE: Emily, there's a matter of principle involved here.

EMILY: A matter of what? Oh Charlie, didn't you once say, "What's a lion doing in a man's house anyway?"

CHARLIE: If a man knows the truth he has to say it.

EMILY: Is this the Charlie Madison who once said, I'm not equipped to deal with the truth. I let God worry about the truth. I just want to know the momentary facts of things. And you're idea of fact you said…

CHARLIE: Were you, a home, a country, a world, and a universe, in that order.

EMILY: Well, I'm quite prepared to supply all that as my end of the deal.

CHARLIE: What do you get out of it?

EMILY: I'll settle for a heresy bar.

SAILOR: Hey, Bus. There are correspondents all over the place. Hi Charlie.

CHARLIE: All right fink, how do you want me to play it? Modest and self-effacing?

THE END